If you truly believe that people are afraid to speak their minds because of “political correctness,” then feel free to fuck off any time now.
Let us begin with the fact that most of the criticism of political correctness is absurd on its face. There is nobody — I repeat, nobody; not a single person anywhere in the world — who seriously uses terms like “vertically challenged” or “living impaired.” People say these things sometimes, sure, but they are joking. It’s a thoroughly played-out joke, but it’s a joke all the same, and you missed it.
What remains (i.e. what actually happens in real life) are terms like “Asian-American” and practices like describing hypothetical people as “he or she” instead of just “he.” Yes, this stuff actually happens. But does it really bother you? That’s not a rhetorical question; I’m asking if you truly feel wounded when someone on the news says “African-American.”
Of course you don’t. Aside from the fact that it doesn’t hurt anyone, you probably don’t give a shit when it happens on TV. You don’t give a shit 90% of the time. You don’t give a shit, right up until the moment you want to say something overtly racist, and remember that you’re surrounded by people who fucking know better.
You can’t just say, “Boy, I sure wish racism was still socially acceptable!” so instead you rationalize. You tell yourself that whatever you wanted to say was completely innocent, but that people have been duped into thinking it’s offensive because of the insidious forces of political correctness. They totally would have agreed with you, but they would have been afraid to admit it.
And what does this have to do with your tragic inability to be funny? Simple. You think 50-year-old jokes about 100-year-old stereotypes are somehow at the cutting edge of humor because nobody laughs at them. Indeed, some people get genuinely offended. You take this as proof that your understanding of comedy is so forward-thinking that the masses simply aren’t prepared for it.
This practice is, in a word, disgusting. Not because you’re probably a racist, not because you overestimate your own comedic skill, but because you are attempting to pass off hopelessly dated material as something new and exciting. Just admit that the jokes are old, and that’s how you like them. Admit that your ideal joke is one which everyone has heard a thousand times; it can’t make anyone laugh, but it comforts you in a big, scary world that no longer has any place for you.
Say it proudly: newfangled comedy confuses and frightens you! Tell everyone! Put it on a T-shirt! That will make it easier for me to avoid you.
