November 2010
1 post
The Abridged List of People I Have Heard Described...
Lady Gaga
Scott Pilgrim (and, by extension, Michael Cera)
The vampires from Twilight
The cast of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Bill Murray
Emily Deschanel (but not Zooey, somehow)
Barack and Michelle Obama
The cast of The Jersey Shore
Seth MacFarlane
Seth Rogen
Anyone named Seth
All bloggers everywhere
Dean Venture
With that in mind, can we please finally accept that...
October 2010
2 posts
"So I know this guy..."
So. You know this guy.
Well, I don’t. So if you’re going to tell me a funny story about him, you’d better get all the exposition out of the way in the most efficient manner possible. If I need 45 minutes of backstory just so you can tell me about the time he knocked over your drink, there’s a good chance this isn’t a story worth telling. The payoff needs to match...
3 tags
Replacing One Word is Not Enough
If you want to take a mundane or familiar concept and turn it into something funny, you’re going to need to do more than just replacing one word in its name. Sure, you think “Harry Potter and the Order of the Scrotum” is the funniest fake title in the world, but guess what? It fucking isn’t. Here’s why.
No context, dummy. What is the context of this...
September 2010
2 posts
3 tags
"Political Incorrectness"
If you truly believe that people are afraid to speak their minds because of “political correctness,” then feel free to fuck off any time now.
Let us begin with the fact that most of the criticism of political correctness is absurd on its face. There is nobody — I repeat, nobody; not a single person anywhere in the world — who seriously uses terms like “vertically...
1 tag
An Exercise
A baby flipping the bird.
Consider that image: a baby, probably making some adorable face, holding his hand out at a weird baby-angle, with his middle finger extended.
You’ve seen that image before, probably in an e-mail forward from a relative — your mom, your grandparents, your loathsome uncle — with a subject line that read “Fwd: Cool Kid!” or something equally...
August 2010
1 post
3 tags
You are enjoying that the wrong way
In all likelihood, you are not funny. To make matters worse, you are probably incapable of recognizing things that are funny. And, most distressing of all, when you do manage to laugh at the right moment, it’s probably for the wrong reason.
The best way to ruin a joke is to explain it. I intend to ruin every joke you will ever hear for the rest of your life.